cerita umum seorang wanita

seorang wanita tengah menyesali kenapa peristiwa ini harus terjadi pada keluarganya. meskipun ia tau bukan dirinya seorang yang merasa hidup ini tidak adil, tetap hatinya memberontak kenapa keadaan keuangan keluarganya bisa memburuk seperti ini, disaat ia bertumbuh dewasa. padahal ia memiliki cita untuk berada di kalangan jetset dimana semua orang memandangnya kagum disertai sorot mata iri sebagai si serba punya. tapi pupus sudah citanya.

seorang wanita lain juga tengah bertanya, adakah hidupnya adil. wajah cantik dan tubuh nan molek yang dimilikinya harus terbuang sia-sia, tanpa pandangan berharga dari orang disekitarnya karena ia tidak memiliki harta benda maupun uang untuk membeli 'harga' untuk memasuki pergaulan kaum atas. yang dimiliknya hanyalah sebuah keluarga dengan penghasilan pas-pasan cukup untuk menghidupi diri dan kedua adiknya.

wanita harus menyiasati keadaan. jangan siakan semua hanya karena keadaan. tekad dan ambisi akan membuat mereka memasuki keadaan yang ada dibenak mereka. buka majalah wanita kalangan atas, memaksakan penggunaan uang untuk perawatan tubuh dan memberi satu-dua barang mahal yang bisa dipakai setiap kali harus menampangkan diri, ubah sikap menjadi snobbish, rendahkan setiap orang kaya yang tidak menonjolkan kekuasaannya, baca buku untuk menambah wawasan gimana cara hidup orang kaya, punya 1 atau 2 teman yang benar-benar berharta... dan mereka siap menghadapi dunia. sikap-sikap itu cukup untuk menutupi keadaan sebenarnya.

kulit luar dan penampilan mereka cukup untuk membuat banyak orang mengira mereka adalah bagian kaum borjuis. bila beruntung bukan hanya banyak orang, tapi seorang (atau lebih?) lelaki dengan harta melimpah. menikah.... dan BOOM... mereka telah menganggap diri bagian dari kaum jetsetters di Indonesian tattler . hanya karena telah memiliki satu mobil mewah dan sedikit uang untuk sesekali membeli barang mewah mereka menganggap diri mereka sebagai bagian dari kaum borjuis yang selama ini menjadi idola mereka.

cerita yang sering terjadi di kota besar. tapi teman, jangan lupa masa lalumu. bukan karena sekarang dirimu mampu mengendarai sebuah mobil mewah, makan ditempat mahal, membeli barang bermerk dan menipu beberapa mata- yang semuanya kau lakukan dengan jalan singkat- bukan berarti hidupmu telah berubah, bukan berarti masalalumu telah terhapus. masalalu adalah bayangan dirimu yang diberikan yang Mahakuasa untuk membuatmu tidak lupa akan Dia.

berkacalah. milikilah sedikit rasa malu pada mereka yang telah terbiasa dengan hidup socialite yang kau impikan namun lebih memilih untuk bersikap sederhana karena toleransinya pada saudara-saudaranya. milikilah rasa malu pada mereka yang memperoleh hal yang sama dengan yang kau miliki sekarang, tapi melakukannya dengan penuh peluh dan kerjakeras. namun diatas segalanya, milikilah malu pada si empunya kehidupan.

bahagia atas apa yang telah kau raih adalah wajar. tapi jangan pernah lupa masalalumu. percayalah bahwa masalalu itu adalah bagian dari hidupmu yang akan kembali suatu waktu nanti.

a posting for a dear friend: hope you see it coming in your way

ought to {KILLS THE SINCERITY}

What you ought to do for those around you often kills the sincerity of words, right? simple examples: how many agreeing have you donewhen actually deep down inside your hearts says no? for your buddies, bosses, families or just people close to you!

you open your friends' blogs, wondering why suddenly everyone thinks that they are a great writer, when suddenly you realize one of your closest friend's blog is her way of making a kind of book which are 'hot stuff selling' right now. then what do you do? encourage her by saying what a great things she's writing or just pretend that you dont have any idea the blog exist?

you are sitting nicely in front of your computer when suddenly one of your co worker come with a new skirt that made her look a zillion time fatter. you know she bought that branded skirt with almost half of salary, and you realize that now she's in the phase of showing people that she now has money, after getting through sometimes ago with family financial difficulties. with all that consideration will you have the heart to say that the awfully expensive skirt made her look fat, when she asks you?

there are times when our heart is yelling cruel things while the mouth shout nice things. maybe this custom is born when in the past our experiences thought us that 'bithcy mouthed people are just not good to be around. but to think of it, they represents all the things that we just cant get out of our head, right?

hmmm, truthfully i wouldnt want to be noni whose being hate by everybody because of her sarcastic words. but i dont also want to be the old me, whose never have the guts to say my true feelings. keep the rude side inside, and keep everybody else happy by saying nice things. the old me never want to see faces i've hurt with my 'bitchy but true feelings'

but then i realized something. this aint right. my save way give birth to other stubborn bitches. bithces who feel that they are supperior. so i found a way out (well at least, this is a way out said my tiny winny head).i should encourage myself to say what i felt, though it's hard hence i should build power to be able to see those hurtful face once or twice. hey, people do that to me and i can hande it fine. so why cant they do the same? this way, i'm also helping them by not turning them into those stubborn bitches, right?

asik-asik pembenaran aja gwa!

choice #3

ketika seorang menjadi bosan akan sebuah masalah yang terus menerus kembali ia hadapi, apa yang harus dilakukannya? menghadapinya lagi dan lagi atau lari dan meninggalkannya?

apa gunanya menghadapinya kembali kalau ternyata hal itu tidak bisa diselesaikan secara tuntas? mengapa tidak tuntas, karena keputusannya bukan hanya tergantung pada satu orang saja. banyak hal yang akan menyebabkan masalah itu seakan hilang sesaat untuk kembali lagi dengan kadar yang sama buruknya bahkan menjadi jauh lebih berat.

untuk pergi dan meninggalkannya begitu saja mungkin bukan pilihan, karena tak ada sedikit rencanapun yang ada didepan mata. seorang teman pernah berkata jika sudah memiliki 50% bayangan tentang sebuah rencana maka patutlah rencana itu dijalankan. tapi jika tidak, apa gunanya? itu tak ada bedanya dengan berjudi di kasino bukan? memang dewi fortuna mungkin saja tersenyum dan tiba-tiba hidup berubah kearah yang seratus delapan puluh derajat lebih baik, tapi berapa sih kemungkinannya?

kata trainspotting 'life is a choice' itu emang bener banget! tapi sebenarnya yang lebih parah bukanlah si pilihan, melainkan konsekwensi yang timbul dari mengambil keputusan, right? now let see, here's what we have to deal with.

choice #1: tinggal dan menghadapi masalah yang sama terus menerus. consequences: membusuk, menumpuk, sampai mungkin akhirnya meledak tapi tercukupi secara finansial sambil menikmati sebuah mobil baru. can I?

choice #2: pergi and follow where destiny leads. consequences: amat sangat puassssssss (walaupun hanya untuk beberapa saat) lalu harus menghadapi kenyataan of menghadapi situasi baru (could be better or worse) dengan situasi finansial yang ngga menentu, kegiatan yang ngga menentu (yang bisa membuatku makin membesar bukan?). hey, tapi mungkin ini kesempatan untuk melakukan banyak hal yang selama ini ngga sempat kulakukan, walaupun mungkin hanya bertahan beberapa saat.

selalu ada choice #3: make no choice and let everything happened with a belief that with him by my side i'll be strong enough

extra large, extra potential?

xl is just a word (or maybe just series of alphabet?) written in the back label of some clothing. well at least most of my clothing. reading, hearing nor seeing that word (should i say word? hehe, what the hell!) i never have any certain feelings. maybe just because i am used to it, huh? okay, i am a size xl, so what? there are times when xls are just good enough, consedering some clothing line dont even bother making sizes for big persons (cases well-understood in indonesia, for cheap prices is mostly the main consideration for business runner. the way i see it, it had nothing to do with designers felt their products wont look good in people with big size. eh, ini pembenaran atau beneran ya? hehehe)

but a couple of days ago it hit me just like that. the phrase (hey..maybe this is the right thing. phrase, not word) xl stands for something. it says EXTRA LARGE. funny huh, how something that i considered a ussual thing suddenly become a thing that hurts me so bad. the two little alhpabet written in the label of my clothing all this while is actually an undirect grouping of my body size. in a more undirect way, the phrase says that the society sees my being as something out of the ordinary, that they call it extra. Ah, sudahlah. no biggies, no harm done. just feel glad to share my thought.

life or something like it

life is never a complete journey without problems. but what defines a problem is too hard is always a gray area. a common say is that God never let a single human being handle problems that are way out of their league. but is it?

a girl onced had two problems that to her mind are the most mind-bugging-never-ending-no solutions problems. her job and her not having a boyfriend. to her those two problems are enough to ruin her whole life. it's like that everything that happened around her could have been a zillion times better if only she didnt have those two problems. well, maybe she's right.

first, she search god for her questions. with the little faith that she had left, she prayed every single night and hoped that god will answer her prayer. once or twice she would fine that god had answered her prayer. she seemed to find solutions for her problems. well at least one of them. but as the time walked by she always find her self in the same path. the path where that two problems are still around.

sick of going the same road over and over again, she starts to question the almighty of her being. has He stopped listening to her prayer? has He love her not anymore? is this His way of showing me to change? but what should be changed?

declaring herself losing her faith to Thee, she life on life the ussual. meeting her friends, her family, her co-worker, and ever strangers. conversation, as she liked it, happened between her and those people. almost in every conversation happened people are telling her their problems. and once a while she had the opportunity to witness their problems occuring in front of her.

people are having problem with their (future) spouse. people are breaking up their relationships. people are having problems with their parents nor siblings. people are having financial difficulties.

man, those problems are humongous. tired. that's how she felt in running her life. but thankful that's what she's now. weather this is God's way of showing her that there are other's whose having problems that are way more difficult than hers or just His amazing way of taking her mind off those 2 big deals, either way worked just wonderous.