I hate

.....Right as this moment, i kind of hate you, and me, and whatever it is that we have between us...

GUTS!

You know what i just did? I just cleaned up old text messages from my phone..and along the way, i got the chance to read tons of SMSs that you sent me in the past.. it made me realize one thing.

do you remember when i asked you and said that something is different now between you and me? and your answer was that my moody time made it different, and you are the same..ALWAYS.. well, the deleted past text messages you've sent me didn't said so.. they seemed to agree with me..

In the past... when i woke up, it was your SMSs that i read first..now, zillion of other text messages was there for me to read, way before i received yours..

my text messages is now always the last one to end up the conversation--it seemed that you're even that eager to reply them..when in the past, u always got the last word, even just to say small things or simply a smiley face

In the past..you stopped by at my house, or pick me up from somewhere, or at least a phone call happened almost everyday..now, even when i asked to, u often canceled.

well, it's not that i selfishly don't want anything to change between us..but please, don't deny that it's happening..if it's okay, i do want to know why..but if it's not okay, well at least, u know and i noticed that something has changed :) i do hope i am wrong, and that you're just now too busy with work..

ps: hey, you're right..it's easier to write than to talk..this conversation might never happened if i speak directly to you..now, let's just hope that i have the guts to send this through text messages to you..lol..

It's so small

My first disappointment in you!

In the few saturday night that i have left, and you canceled our date. you don't even had the courtesy to call. a text message? what the hell is that? don't you know that text messages are just for sweet saying you want to keep forever? Blaaaaaaah....

So here I am.. spending my so called saturday doing nothing. yeah, i've done that (too) many times before. but it's just felt different today.

i know this is (supposedly) not something big. it's even (supposedly) something tiny, i should have forgotten it by now. it's not that you preferred to spend your time with somebody else other then me, but it's work. and when it's work that's calling, there's nothing we can do about it, aight?...yeah, from all the people in the world, i should be the one who understand it best. because 'work' used to be my middle name. Well, if it's no biggy, why does it hurt? if something small can hurt me that bad, i don't event want to start thinking nor imagine how something big would leave a wound that never dry in me.

i guess, it's because i missed you..

ps: you see, i posted this because it bothered me so bad... and i cant even talk to you about this. damn this pride!

Scary Secrecy

Don't you know that I am at the bottom of my game...

It seemed that everything good in my life has been taken away...

And lately, you've been my good..

I'm just so afraid, that you too will be taken away from me...

For now, I just need you to comfort me.

Help me believe that my worries are just too much..

That you will not be taken away from me, and that this good feeling will last... Will you??