irony

have you ever longed for a conversation? i had. and the irony is that I am a marketing manager of a beauty treatment company, whose job is to transofrm massage by having conversation to the media, clients and futre client. in case you didnt see the irony, allow me to underline them for you, by writing these words: marketing, transofrm massage, conversation and desperate for a conversation. u see it now?

Naturally, all i do is talk.. talk.. and talk. i spent 70% of my time doing conversation to all necessary parties to get my job done. i talked to the journalist to give preview about my products, i talk to media account executives to arrange my advertisement & promotions, i talk to our customers about the goodness of my products, i talk to my clients and try to sell them things, i talked to my boss, subordinates and my staff about everything.. so, realy i really am confused how one day i feel that i'm yearning for a conversation.

maybe the obligation of talking in my job erased all the sincerity in it. all the conversation i have to do is based on one purpose only: to get the job done. and out of routinity, it root in me. i cannot draw the line, which conversation with who is what. the mindset is now that all conversation in done to make the people i conversate with, is happy, and therefore i can get what i want from them.

god, what a sin. i bring this habbit in to my friends and family. my mind cant at all devide, whom it is i am conversing with. i'm even pushing my self on smiling, everytime i talk. god, what am i doing??

no wonder, if suddenly i missed one of those all night long conversation with intan that i used to have in my room in bandung. no wonder if i suddenly missed those hours long telephone conversation with tracy that i used to do. no wonder if i missed those serious talk with daddy about the world. and no wonder at all, if i suddenly missed those horrible disasterous bad things that we used to say to each other with the barudak pasteur.

i dont have to push myself to smile in one of those conversation. i can laugh heavily if i want to, i can cry if i feel like it, i can pretend to sleep if i feel it's too boring, or i just dont react if i feel its necessary. but whatever i do, it was sincere.

i'm afraid, i have become Yulia, the girl i once knew and didnt like at all. she's always smiling and being nice, and people was admired by this act of her. but i never liked it. something was missing. and it was sincerity.

i'm afraid i have become my boss. a freak who never smiled at all, who can change in to the funniest most decent human being when he's meeting a client. i used to admired his act, and now that i have become him, i say its not good at all.

now, i see how people, in the middle of a busy crowd can feel so lonely. because in the middle of a zillion conversation, i confess, i am yearning for a sincere one :(

are those writers, us?

on my day as a casual writer, and casual reader of a million blogs, i tent to catagorized writers in to two different categories.

category 1:writers who write about simple things with a very-very complicated selections of words. they describe the daily sunset and sunrise as: day to day amazing nature of the universe created by God to devine nights and days. not only once, the goosebumps showed in my skin, when i was amazed by the rich vocabulary that they have in mind. but also not only once, i got head ache reading the circular motion of their language.

category 2: wirters who write life's most complicated things with a very simple line. yes, sometimes the line is kind of long. but once you've finished reading it, you will not stop to be amazed on how you just asked your brain to do a heavy excercise, triggered by those simple words. i salute them.

how the writers write about their story, is equal to how we have a look at the problem in life. there are people who tend to look at the simplest problem as the world's most complicated trial. and of course, there are those whol treat their heaviest problem as something that will one day goes by.

it's how the way we look at it, is our choice to deal with it.