Forgiveness

I am releasing my forgiveness for you.. You, who have accused me of thousands of wrong-doing. I am releasing my forgiveness for you.. Simply just because you are wrong..

The F Word...

If there are things i'd say that i've been learning in these past days, then the answer will be the F words...

Ha ha.. Not the harsh F Word .. but F as in "forgive" and "forget"..

Indeed, these two word is not something new. i've heard them before. One too many time perhaps. But never has i come to the occasion that i have to practice them..

oh wait.. maybe it's not NEVER, but at least it was ages ago that i had to exercise them. i remember, as a child up to my early youth, i was this fat clever kind hearted gurl. i was nice to (almost) everyone. And it's in my nature to forgive.. i had love (almost) for everyone.

it was as i grow older, that i know the world is a hard place to live in. i know if i don't learn to fight back, i will never be forward.. i feel that i'll always loose.

But now, my learning curve of fighting back is at its end. i guess the Almighty wanted me to reminiscence the essence of to forgive and forgotten. Damnnnnnnn, it sure is hard to relive those days when i know how easy it is to do that...

After being used of fighting back and doing self-defense, with the mindset of 'if you don't take care of you, then who will' rooting for ages, learning to forgive yet forget is like learning to walk again.. you will fall, you'll be hurt, you'll cry, be angry and even grow self-pity, thinking 'what did i do wrong to deserve this'.

But a journey of depth will lead to a strong foundation. Slowly but strongly, i was formed.. Now, somehow i see myself coming back to those days.. the days where forgive and forget are not the hardest thing to do in the world.. the day that i overlook the 'me', the very big 'me' and learn to accept the being of other which might hurt me. overlook my ego, my pride and my self-esteem..

Well, it start with the hubby first, but hopefully someday for everyone..

Cheers,

Sa.

wishes

Me?..... i wish i was the light that shines in your path... i wish i was the smile in your misery.. i wish i was the harbor of your journey... i wish i was the top cherry of your ice cream... i wish i was the answer to your prayers.. i wish i was the one you wanted not only the one you needed... i wish i was your number one.. i wish i have no clue that i am not all that.

June oh June

June 2009, a month of greatness for many.

for my dearest best friend, it's the month she is signed to be editor in chief of an internationally well known woman magazine.

for my dearest sister, it's the month when she is announced pregnant, after 4 years of waiting.

for my dearest colleague, it's the month that she gives birth to her second child, a lovely baby boy.

And for me, June 2009, at the 25th to be precise, is the time that i hit the big 30 and is proposed to get married :)

Mazeltov June!

argument

For Kitty McCalister Walker, arguing is like the center of her days. when she argues, it shows that she still cares. when she argues, she doesn't always intend to win, it just when she argues, she will know that the issue matter for her. because when it doesn't (anymore), she will not argue (anymore). she would just agree, nod her head and leave. it doesn't always mean that she agree, but it will always mean it doesn't matter (anymore) for her.

. i am too a Kitty McCalister Walker. when an issue matters for me, i would have the time to argue. i will give the time and energy to argue. i will think my best to argue. not necessarily to win, but i often notice even by not winning in an argument, we can too put ideas in people's head. So when i think it matters for me, and i want the best out of it, i do it in the funniest way for some people maybe. i argue.

but when it doesn't matter for me, i would just agree. when i'm with a client or the media, i prefer not to argue too much, because what i need is a good relationship more than anything. that way, we can ask them to do things, in a sense of keeping good relationship.

when i'm with my subordinates or my boss, i argue a lot. Many times, to win (lol), but also to inject ideas to their head, that not everything has to be done in their ways (or my ways for that matter). And so, with my siblings and family. i argue a lot. this is because i know they will take me for who i truly am, so nothing has to be frighten of in an argument.

and when it comes to my friend, well.. i always looked at the situation. when i know it's not polite or necessary or even the best of time to argue, then i tend to accept, but later on when the condition is possible to argue, then i do it. holding back an argument, is not the same as not arguing. well at least that's what i think.

i remembered when i stopped to argue. it was the last rough couple of months of my relationship with this man. i stop to argue, because i don't think arguing matters anymore. i know how hard, how true and how sincere my argument was, i will never win nor get ideas in his head anymore. so i stop the argument. everything he said, i just listen, and sure that he knows what's best for him.

i stop arguing. then it all ended. because he and i doesn't matter anymore....